As a devoted Tottenham Hotspur fan, I was delighted to hear yesterday that manager Harry Redknapp had been cleared of all charges of tax evasion by a unanimous decision of the jury in his trial at Southwark Crown Court. This opened the way for him to be eligible for the job of manager of the England national team which happened to become vacant a few hours later following the convenient resignation of the present incumbent who suffers from an acute lack of being English. The Italian Fabio Capello endeared himself to me following England’s 4 – 1 rout by the Germans at the last World Cup, with the statement, “I no understand this decision”. And your players no understand you, mate.
While I admit to knowing a thing or two about tax, I admit to knowing absolutely nothing about amounts of money – received for varying reasons depending on who and when prosecutors asked – being left or forgotten in a bank account in Monaco under the name of a person’s beloved dog. However, I do know that Harry was innocent of whatever they charged him with, because the jury said so unanimously and the referee’s decision is final.
Harry would be a fitting successor to Fabio Capello – who, as inferred above, never quite mastered the English language despite its Latin roots – since, by Harry’s own admission to the police, “I can’t write. I never wrote a letter in my life…I write like a two year old and can’t spell”. At least the players will not feel that too much has changed and can get on with their goal of continuing to not win anything since 1966.
But I do pray that nice Mr Bernstein, the chairman of the Football Association, leaves Harry alone until the end of the season so that he and Spurs can outflank that 22 man juggernaut Manchester United City and claim the Premier League crown for the first time in (just) over half a century.
And, by the way, Rosie – the bulldog with the bank account – was not available for comment as she has departed for the Dogs’ Home in the sky and, in any event, did not speak English (which would, however, not have barred her from applying for the England job).