Tax Break

John Fisher, international tax consultant

Archive for the tag “Tax humor”

Cogito ergo sum

Good old British liberal education

Good old British liberal education

Arguably, the greatest contribution to society of a liberal education is perspective. ‘Dah da dah da dah. DISCUSS’ was the way it went when I was at school, as opposed to the ‘A, B, C, D, E. Tick one’ of the modern era. Today, July 14, is only significant to the vast majority of the world’s population for being the day after July 13 and the day before July 15. In France, it is a national holiday. Back in 1989, the bicentenary of the storming of the Bastille, it was Oxford educated Margaret Thatcher who pointed out in an interview with Le Monde that: ‘ ”human rights did not start with the French Revolution,” a perspective the French were not prepared for.  Fortunately for the Iron Lady, she was guillotined by her own Government the following year, before the furious French could get their act together. Earlier today, the massively anticipated sequel to Harper Lee’s ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ hit the bookstores. The fictional superhero of my youth ( along with Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne), Atticus Finch, now turns out – in his author’s eyes – to have been a bigot. We all missed that one.

So, with the gradual movement from education to knowledge cramming, it is perhaps no surprise that the entire tax world is out on a fanatically dogmatic witchhunt, not even stopping to breathe and get the whole thing in perspective. And it is embarrassing.

I refer, of course, to the twin tax bugbears of western society, BEPS and Automatic Exchange of Information. Europe (did somebody whisper OECD?) has decided that American (did someone say ‘foreign’)  companies pay scandalously and imorally little tax in their jurisdictions, and the world’s leading economies (did someone shout ‘the entire world’?) are singlemindedly trying to sort this out (with a constant look over their shoulders to check if the Americans are going to throw a wobbler and crush the whole thing). Meanwhile, thanks to the Americans (who feel that – far from taking too much tax away from the Europeans – their taxpayers are hiding their income there),  everybody is trying to make sure that their tax residents declare all their ill-gotten gains.

He tried to take shares in somebody else

He tried to take shares in somebody else

Dogma rules. If this can be sorted out, we are told, the world will be a fairer place. Perhaps. But there are two small issues here that should have been factored in. Firstly, it is by no means clear that companies should pay tax.  While Shylock could ask, ‘If you prick us, do we not bleed?’ joint-stock companies, like Pinocchio, do not have the same luxury. Companies are a legal fiction – the Walt Disney of the business world. As they do not have feelings (an accusation often aimed at me), they cannot suffer taxation. Taxation is paid by flesh and blood people – it is the customers who pay higher prices , the shareholders who make lower profits, and the employees who receive lower income. The company just sails on regardless – and, if it dies, does not even warrant a marked grave. There has always, therefore, been a strong movement to abolish company taxes in favour of taxes on individuals – income tax, withholding tax, value added tax. Company taxes, it is argued, distort economic performance.

Secondly, while the search for the hidden treasures abroad  of individuals is highly laudable,  white man speaks with forked tongue. The latest example of Orwellian Doublespeak is last week’s British budget where non-domicile status (institutionalized tax avoidance) was, with much fanfare, marginally tweaked. Rich foreigners will still be able to enjoy the English weather for substantial periods.

While BEPS and Automatic Exchange of Information are undoubtedly an improvement on the international tax scene that has been around until now, they are not a Utopian goal resulting from deep thought and discussion. They are  the result of an ‘I want’ philosophy of the electorates of the world’s leading nations. The elimination of company tax is controversial and may be totally impractical, but it, and other ideas including a simple move to regressive VAT as the main source of revenue, should have been part of  the debate that never came. Instead, the new world tax order – like so much else in the modern world – is being led by populism. And populism – thanks to a biased, disingenuous and largely ignorant press – is becoming increasingly dogmatic. Look what happened to the French in the 1790s.

 

 

 

Unfrozen Assets

Prime Real Estate

Prime Real Estate

I think the main reason I have been cautious and conservative all my life is a particular madness I observed in the 1970s as I was on the threshold of adulthood. There was a property boom in the UK and people were making a packet buying and selling anything with a front door. One fine day, a wealthy property dealer from our neighbourhood went spectacularly bust – at that time the biggest bankruptcy in UK history. In the months that followed, news surfaced of local rent collectors, shopkeepers and assorted minnows being declared insolvent for millions that they clearly had never possessed. It transpired that a combination of recommendations and guarantees by bigger players, together with banks thirsty to expand their balance sheets, meant that many idiots went from fashionably poor to unfashionably bankrupt without enjoying the fruits of their lack of labour for even a day.

Prime Real Estate

Prime Real Estate

When the Financial Crisis hit in 2008, it was deja vu. Here were Ireland and Spain going belly-up thanks to property speculation, while the Greeks didn’t even make the effort to invest in property – their country just produced bankruptcy out of thin air. But, it was Iceland that really caught my eye. Igloos not being subject to the same rules of property bubbles as other countries, and Iceland not having Greece’s ability to mug the EU, they had to think of something else. And for a country that had little to offer in the form of blood, toil, tears and sweat – what better luftgesheft than Finance? When everybody was doing it, who would notice little Iceland? When Iceland unsurprisingly slipped under the ice, the whole world looked aghast at how it managed to get there in the first place.

Well, it appears Iceland is finally coming in from the cold. Earlier this month the Government announced that it is relaxing the capital controls its predecessor was forced to impose during the 2008 meltdown, meaning that investors with money tied up in frozen Icelandic assets will be able to pull it home, while Icelanders will be allowed to buy forex. The rub is that any foreigner owed money by the country’s bankrupt banks will either need to agree to a substantial haircut or pay a 39% tax.

Now, when you see an offer like that you start to understand why the Icelandic economy crashed. I was, in fact, already at the end of the next sentence of the article I was reading when my eyes did one of those  typewriter carriage returns, boomeranging back across the page for a second-take. What difference can it make to a foreign investor whether the bit of his money  lopped off by the Icelandic Government is a haircut or a tax? The only thing I could think of is that a haircut will invite a capital loss at home which the disappointed investor might be able to use against other foreign capital gains, while a 39% tax on a capital asset is meaningless tosh.

This nation of fishermen, fresh from fooling the world that they were bankers, seem to think they can do it again – you can fool some of the people all of the time. Now that the chips are down once more, investors should smell something fishy and freeze them out.

Virgin Alpine

He was surprised to discover which nunnery she belonged to.

He was surprised to discover which nunnery she belonged to.

Hamlet’s outburst at Ophelia to ‘get thee to a nunnery’ was intentionally ambiguous. In Elizabethan times a nunnery was either a convent or a brothel. Were the Danish Prince alive today, he could merrily get away with the same line aimed at Switzerland. What happened to the once VIP Escort Agency that, on its way to legitimacy, managed to skip the world’s standard hypocrisy, and within six years achieved a pose of pious humbug. ‘I knew the bride before she was a virgin’ could have been written across the Welcome Hall at Geneva Airport.

There is no need to relate the bawdy history of this mountainous paradise – it will suffice to mention the last century’s safe-haven for the loot of Nazi war criminals, and the recently exposed shenanigans of FIFA, football’s world governing body based in Switzerland (and led by a Swiss citizen – one of the most reviled people in the world not serving time for pedophilia or war crimes).

After telling the US back in 2009 that it would not allow UBS to release records of undeclared bank accounts, now, with all the zeal of the convert,  it is publishing lists of individuals subject to requests for information from other governments.

Switzerland has also joined the OECD’s global transparency initiative, according to which there will be automatic exchange of information without the need for a request from another country. And as for  that bust last month of seven FIFA officials in a Zurich hotel…..

Gentle persuasion

Gentle persuasion

Viewing all this from the comfort and security of my own lily-white country, Switzerland is less the zealous convert, and more the faceless (do you know the name of the Head of State?), small-time con who, when put under the swinging lamp, squeals loud and clear.

I wouldn’t trust Switzerland any further than the next US investigation. A leopard doesn’t change its spots – or at least not so fast. Switzerland is to be avoided, nay evaded, by individuals until such time as it settles down to some form of hypocritical normality like the rest of the world. In the field of corporate tax, on the other hand, where international populism has forced Switzerland into change,  the hypocrisy in offering new incentives to replace the old disgraced ones is Switzerland at its cheekiest best (or worst). Nothing to worry about there (other than the possibility that the rest of the world will get wise to them).

Hero with admirer

Hero with admirer

In the meantime, Switzerland will be feeling just a little more self-righteous – and deserving of the centuries-old honour of providing the Pope’s Swiss Guard.

Spaghetti Westerners

He has been there before

He has been there before

The word around the Roman Forum is that Italy is on the verge of a Renaissance. After three years of recession, modest growth is expected this year.

Regular readers may recall Giovanni and Guiseppe, two Italian plumbers who tried their luck in England about three years back. Thanks to improved employment prospects, they have returned to their beloved homeland and have found work in the movie industry. Their photogenic faces not quite photogenic enough for the cameras, they have had to settle for being responsible for the fitting and maintenance of the portable toilets on the set of ‘Spectre’, the new James Bond movie. They handle their S-bends every bit as well as any stunt driver on the open road, while their high-speed drill leaves occupants shaken, not stirred.

Fellini's original Paparazzo in La Dolce Vita (lousy taste in whisky)

Fellini’s original Paparazzo in La Dolce Vita (lousy taste in whisky)

Strolling in the evenings  down the Corso Vittorio Emmanuele II, Giovanni and Guiseppe notice that the potholes have been filled so that Daniel Craig doesn’t hit his bonce speeding his Aston Martin (sadly, not the original) along its length. They have to wait for a seat at a restaurant next to the Ponte Sisto, while revellers gabble to each other in accentless English about their day on the film-set. As they take their seats, there is sudden confusion as a gaggle of long-forgotten paparazzi appear in the entrance, furiously snapping the gorgeous Monica Belucci – Bond’s latest Girl – as she glides to her table. The pick-up in the international film industry has had a knock-on effect across the economy.

Why this revival of Hollywood on the Tiber? Answer: Incentives. Now, incentives are an international tax purist’s nemesis. They distort the allocation and location of labour and capital, and – if they could be brought to life – should be shot. Just occasionally though, they are justified. The incentives given by the Italian Government to Film Production in 2009 and grudgingly renewed in 2013, are a good example. Italy is a natural location for location filming – it possesses exquisite beauty and preserved history.

The 1950s and 60s were Italy’s heyday as a Hollywood host while nurturing the amazing homegrown output of the likes of Fellini. By the 1990s, Bulgaria, Romania and the Czech Republic had gracelessly stolen Italy’s thunder through cheap alternatives. Italy’s legislation – providing tax credits to locally registered production companies that could be used against, in addition to corporate tax, deductions against wages – has not created a distortion; it has relieved one. And the world of cinema is a better place for it. Watch out for the remake of Ben Hur.

If you cannot imagine Churchill in a swimsuit...

If you cannot imagine Churchill in a swimsuit…

Orson Welles was at the Hotel Excelsior in Venice some time after World War II trying to convince a White Russian to finance his next movie (I believe it was the Italian produced ‘Black Magic’). As he walked into the dining room with his prey, he spotted Winston Churchill – whom he had met briefly during the war and who had attended a performance of Othello – at a corner table. Noticing Welles, Churchill gave a polite nod of recognition. This sent the White Russian crazy – and he proceeded to offer Welles everything he wanted. The next day Welles spied Churchill paddling in the hotel pool. Wading over to the Greatest Englishman, he told him what had happened and thanked him profusely. That evening, when Welles and the Russian entered the dining room, Churchill stood up and bowed low. Britain’s past and future prime minister was clearly an international  patron of the arts – and a decent comic actor, to boot. More’s the pity he had to play opposite Hitler and Mussolini, rather than Marlene Dietrich and Sophia Loren.

 

Brazil gone nuts

Getting through the in-tray

Getting through the in-tray

The Circumlocution Office in ‘Little Dorrit’, where everything became bogged down in bureaucracy,  represented Dickens’s visceral satire on Government. A century and a half later, it might be time for novelist José Sarney to pick up, in his own country Brazil, where Dickens left off.

Brazil is a bureaucratic blast, nowhere more so than in the field of taxation. Over thirty types of taxes mean that 2,600 man-hours are wasted on compliance each year by an average medium-sized company, as opposed to 334 in Mexico, another country in the Lost Continent south of the Rio Grande.

Sarney is particularly qualified to write the book as his 9 to 5 job used to be President of Brazil. The Foreword might be penned by one of his successors, Fernando Henrique Cardoso, who was responsible for the plethora of taxes but, in a lecture I attended in Sao Paolo some years ago, made clear that he thought it was time for almost all of them to go.

When all else fails - its time to Carnival!

When all else fails – its time to Carnival!

Meanwhile, it was announced last week, that successive governments had been cheated of around $2 billion in tax revenue over the last decade. And, thereby, hangs a cautionary tale.

The Finance Ministry has a department that hears appeals by taxpayers who feel they have been given a rum deal by the tax authorities. As a tax advisor, this sounds to me like good bureaucracy. The problem is we are talking Brazil.

It turned out that half the  ‘arbitrators’ were drawn from government and half from industry. In many instances, by paying between 1% and 10% of the foregone revenue to a non-tax-specialist law firm for ‘consultancy’ services, it is alleged the disputed amounts were miraculously decided in favour of the taxpayers. Somewhere in the labyrinth of  Brazilian law, that is probably called ‘bribery’; ‘corruption’ and ‘fraud’ also come to mind.

Brazil 2014

Brazil 2014

So, another bunch of suspects gets lined up alongside those already facing prosecution in the State-run Petrobras Oil scandal. It would be nice to say that, at least, the fifth largest country in the world could be proud of its football – what with a record five World Cups to its name. But, after their drubbing by Germany last year, they have grown remarkably quiet on that front.

Time for a President Pelé?

Greecing the wrong palms

'This is what you get for telling teacher'

‘This is what you get for telling teacher’

Sneak, snitch, grass – those one syllable words do not convey an aura of approval. In school, where we imbibe the morality that plagues us for the rest of our lives, a telltale can expect a bigger punishment than the class-mate he is squealing on. The sheer number of synonyms (I have just used five) shows how frowned-upon the practice is.

Governments – rarely the symbols of propriety we would like them to be – have a long history of encouraging informants. I have always been haunted by W. F. Yeames’s portrait of a boy being questioned as to the whereabouts of his father during the English Civil War. And then there were all those ‘Wanted $$$$$$’ posters plastered across the Wild West, not to mention the bank whistle-blower payouts over the last few years.

But the Greeks (who else?) have now raised the rat stakes a notch. Desperate to placate the Troika (now for some reason referred to – in deference to the Greeks – as the ‘European Commission,  ECB and  IMF’), the new Government has proposed employing tourists as tax spies.

The Greek Government does not seem to have thought through where tourists will hide the surveillance equipment

The Greek Government does not seem to have thought through where tourists will hide the surveillance equipment

The idea is that tourists will be asked, in return for  an hourly fee, to be wired up to audio or video equipment that will provide evidence of cash transactions between themselves and their Greek hosts.

I am afraid that I cannot get my head around this particular kind of international espionage.  I am a fan of spy novels – I have read almost the entire product of John Le Carre’s fecund imagination – but there is an underlying assumption that a spook is: (a) operating for his own government against a foreign government (a patriot); or (b) for a foreign government against his own government (a traitor); or (c) for his own government against a foreign government while making the foreign government think he is working for them against his own government –  and vice versa (double agent); or (d) for his own government against his own government (a shtinker). The CIA/MI6 exams do not have an ‘(e) none-of-the-above’ option, even when allowing for the widest possible definition of the word ‘government’ – but that is precisely what the lunatic Greeks are proposing.

The idea is both obscene (that word has plenty of life beyond porn) and insane. Greece has long passed into the realm of obscenity, but insanity should still worry them. Do they not realise that, by recruiting tourists who are coming to Greece for a good time, they risk destroying the whole underbelly of the Greek tourist industry – its goodwill? What is more, visitors from countries where the National Tax Authority is a feared institution, similar to a man-eating shark, are not likely to want to play with the Greek version, even if continues to prove it has no teeth.

Harry, watch where you take that photograph

Harry, watch where you take that photograph

Sorry, Mr Alexis Tsipras, you are going to have to do better than that if you don’t want the Troika to tread hard on your oxygen tube. This is one potential tourist who will now definitely not being coming to Athens this year. I think I will go to Russia instead – at least there they do things the right way round,  and will probably be spying on me.

A drop of golden sun

 

Punching above his weight

Punching above his weight

From Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to Adolf Hitler to Conchita Wurst, little Austria has always punched above its weight. It is ironic that the country that gave the world half its great classical music and, so far, all its World Wars, should be almost exclusively associated today with one kitch movie.Fifty years ago this week, a British actress appeared over a grassy horizon and, after the umpteenth  take, belted out ‘The Sound of Music’. And the rest, as they say, is (highly distorted) history.

Well, all the fuss over the Von Trapps this month – including the excellent  impersonation of Ms Andrews at the Oscars by Lady Gaga (an aspiring novice nun if ever there was one)  – brought back nostalgic memories of Austria and tax planning.

Austria’s tax system is quite a boring one – as one might expect. An off-the-peg 25% corporate tax rate and 50% individual top rate send the tax consultant skipping on through the alphabet for greener pastures.

Nevertheless, Austria does have one point of interest that, amid the ennui, deserves not to be ignored.

Boring Austria

Boring Austria

Like most tax-enlightened countries these days (ie those not called the United States of America), Austria operates a Participation Exemption regime. For the uninitiated, that means that most dividends from affiliated companies and capital gains on their sale are not liable to corporation tax in the hands of the Austrian holding company. When an exemption to tax from profits from foreign branches is added, the overall result is that Austria taxes the profits of a corporate group on a territorial basis.

The jewel in the Habsburg crown however is that, whereas most countries with territorial corporate tax reporting insure themselves with Controlled Foreign Corporation legislation (CFC), Austria has a very watered down alternative. CFC rules in their various forms, first introduced to the world by John F Kennedy on the first day of the Cuban Missile Crisis, are designed to ensure that companies do not resort to chutzpa in their foreign operations. Although also applied to worldwide tax systems, they are of particular importance to territorial based systems where there is an enhanced  temptation to drive income offshore to low tax jurisdictions, thus depriving the home country Treasury of its life-blood for ever and ever. CFC permits the immediate taxation of certain foreign profits.

Austria is one of the few countries that does not have a CFC regime,  encouraging night-trips from nearby Transylvania by tax vampires (aka Advisors) to drink its life-blood.  To stem the flow, the Austrians have replaced the exemption on dividends with a credit system for foreign income that was clearly diverted for tax purposes. The big difference with CFC, however, is that the tax is not payable until the income is remitted. Depending on the rules in the ultimate jurisdiction of a corporate group, this can facilitate indefinite tax deferral – which, in these BEPS-induced, substantially-reduced times for tax gurus, is a very big deal.

Little Austria has a generous child  benefit scheme

Little Austria has a generous child benefit scheme

Having seen the Sound of Music when it first hit the screens in 1965, I have been an unashamed fan ever since. Back in 1995, on a trip to England, I dragged my then 9 year-old son to a 30th anniversary showing in the West End. Any illusions I had of passing on my enthusiasm to the next generation were shattered when, similar to a Rocky Horror Show Redux, the freak audience jokingly recited all the lines along with the cast. Well, to celebrate fifty years, I have decided to have a second go, this time with HIS children. It will be a Home Viewing, and all parents and uncles will be commanded to shut their trapps. Where is the Captain when we need him?

The spotlight beside the golden door

When did she renounce her first religion?

When did she renounce her first religion?

Fifty years ago today, the New York Times announced that Elizabeth Taylor  had failed in her attempt to renounce US citizenship. Required to disavow ‘all allegiance and fidelity’ to the United States, she found herself  unable to do so. Now, allegiance and fidelity are terms Ms Taylor had a lot of experience disavowing – eight lots of experience, to be precise: Mr Hilton, Mr Wilding, Mr Todd, Mr Fisher, Mr Burton (Take one), Mr Burton (Take two), Mr Warner and Mr Fortensky.

Ms Taylor, somewhat disingenuously, declared her reason for renouncing her citizenship as wanting to have the same citizenship as her then husband-for-the-first-time , Richard Burton. Had Burton, by reason of his birth, been a Welsh Nationalist (which he was patently not), the argument may have had some traction. But Taylor did not need to seek the same British citizenship as her husband for the convenient reason that she was British, born and bred.

The only reason that the Cleopatra star wished to be rid of her American passport was that she was living and working in Europe at the time, and she did not want to have to pay tax in the US.

Nothing has changed in fifty years. People are renouncing their citizenship right, left and centre (although, on this occasion, I suppose that should be ‘center’). Whereas, in the conscience-ridden and patriotic ’60s ordinary people had understandable difficulty in renouncing allegiance and fidelity – nowadays, if it will save a buck or two, who the hell cares about such outdated emotional claptrap?

Thaddeus Stevens who roomed with Al Gore at Harvard

Thaddeus Stevens who roomed with Al Gore at Harvard

But, of course, as in so many other respects, this aspect of  US Tax Law is insane. Eritrea is the only other nation that taxes income on the basis of citizenship. I admit that I have never been to Eritrea (in fact, I would not know where to find it on a map, so it is just as well I have never tried to get there), but my assumption is that Fifth Avenue it is not. One can almost sympathize with successive Eritrean governments trying to plug their fiscal hole with takings from comparatively wealthy citizens abroad. One could also sympathize, if one were living a hundred and fifty years ago, with Thaddeus Stevens and his House Ways and Means Committee wanting to clobber Yankees escaping the Civil War. But things have moved on since then. The  dysfunctional American tax system allows multi-national corporations to shelter profits overseas, provides countless tax breaks to domestic taxpayers and has enough loopholes to fill whatever you can fill with loopholes. So, choosing to chase expatriates not currently benefiting from the public spending of tax revenues is barmy.

Beyond the idiocy of citizenship-based taxation, it is the offer of a ‘Get out of jail free’ card by relinquishing citizenship that I, a non-American with no aspirations to become one, find distasteful. I am very proud and happy that I became an Israeli citizen a quarter of a century ago. This is my home. This is the place where  I raised my children and the place where they are now raising theirs. But I am also proud of being British. It was Britain that offered my grandparents refuge when, over a century ago, they had to escape the stink-hole that was, and possibly still is, Ukraine. It was Britain that stood alone against the greatest evil yet known to man in 1940 and 1941. It was Britain that gave me the education that enabled me to get on in life. Britain does not present me with a dilemma. There is no reason for me to consider giving up my citizenship.

Expatriate Americans, on the other hand, faced with horrendous annual reporting requirements, as well as potentially horrible taxes, have to make a real decision. For those with a conscience, it is an almost impossible situation. How does a native-born American disavow ‘all allegiance and fidelity’? Even I, a non-American, would have difficulty making a  statement like that about the one nation on the planet that, when push came to shove,  has held it all together for the last hundred years.

Still liable to tax

Still liable to tax

Come on Uncle Sam. This year marks the 150th anniversary of the end of the  Civil War. If you can make peace  with Cuba, you can  make peace with your expatriates. They are the best ambassadors you’ve got (although I’m not sure about Liz Taylor – she was a bit of an embarrassment at times, even for an American).

 

Cry for Argentina

Tax Advisor's traditional battle dress

Tax Advisor’s traditional battle dress

Any professional Opinion Letter writer knows that the invention of the footnote was a godsend. Enabling the eternally cautious tax lawyer or accountant to throw caution to the wind in the main body of his document, the footnote can be stuffed with endless bits of what the paying client calls ‘fudge’ and the expert refers to as  ‘caveat’.

Hilaire Belloc, the writer of those early twentieth century ‘Cautionary Tales’, penned the most famous footnote in literature:

He had a lot of stocks and shares

And half a street in Buenos Aires*

*But this pronunciation varies

Some people call it Bu-enos Airés

Read today, it appears  ironically prescient that a Cautionary Tale resorted to Argentina as the seat of a person’s wealth. A hundred years ago, in 1914, Argentina was among the world’s 10 leading economies, a showcase of what South America could achieve. Today, in 2014, Argentina is a basket-case – a national cautionary tale, if ever there was one.

One of Argentina's more successful exports

One of Argentina’s more successful exports

After a hundred years of intermittent catastrophic military rule, as well as not much less catastrophic civilian administration, Argentina’s last century is best remembered for Evita!, The World Cup, and the Falklands Fiasco. Not much of a record. At times it has looked like it might disappear down the plughole of history.

Current Argentine President, Cristina Kirchner, is agonizingly playing out the last year of her disastrous administration. Inflation is thought to be running at over 40% (Government Statistics are known to be in the ‘damned lies’ category), the country defaulted (again) on its sovereign debt this summer, and the peso has been in free-fall. Meanwhile, the Vice President has been indicted on fraud and corruption charges, but – and why not, indeed? – hangs on to office.

What is interesting is that, despite all this nonsense, the Argentine Revenue Service is going strong and to hell with the economic consequences, as if it were 1914 all over again and Argentina were on the way to overtaking the US.

Among the less exciting developments, thanks to Exchange of Information with the French, the authorities have uncovered a thousand unreported foreign bank accounts. Although nobody is making the connection, it may be no coincidence that a number of HSBC employees have been arrested for allegedly enabling tax fraud. Tax Amnesties are now being offered to those who come out with their hands up, waving a cheque book.

At the same time, the Revenue Service has gone to town on Transfer Pricing. They have shot broadsides at such  companies as Procter & Gamble and GE. In the case of P&G they even suspended their operations for a while recently, which could not have been conducive to the sweaty population’s personal hygiene.

In taking on the multinationals, Argentina should remember that it takes two to tango

In taking on the multinationals, Argentina should remember that it takes two to tango

Of course, the Argentines have a history of picking their wars. They thought Mrs Thatcher wouldn’t hit back when they invaded the Falklands in 1982, but were comprehensively taken to the cleaners. It will be interesting to see how this widening conflict with multinationals pans out. I reckon it will all end in tears.

And meanwhile, the Vice President, facing fraud and corruption charges, carries on in office….

 

 

 

The Gentle Tax

Spot the player who had never heard of Germaine Greer

Spot the player who had never heard of Germaine Greer

There was a time when the mere mention of the name Germaine Greer – pioneering feminist author of ‘The Female Eunuch’ – made grown men (and only grown men) adopt the Direct-free-kick-defensive-wall position favoured by all modern footballers. I had no such reaction when, the other day, I turned on my car radio and was sucked into the middle of a BBC panel show in which she was participating. Greer has long been an occasional, articulate and humorous guest on  such programmes. A few years ago she even eulogized one of my all-time heroes, ‘I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue’ Chairman Humphrey ‘Humph’ Lyttleton, describing him as ‘salacious’. Salacious translates into Street English as ‘Dirty Old Man’- an adjective painstakingly earned by the deceased octogenarian, who was the master of double-entendre and, hence, an unlikely guru of the guru of feminists. But we all grow up eventually.

I can forgive Greer and her bra-burning cohorts just about everything, but I cannot accept the pathetically small-minded assault they made on the English language. I refer, of course, to the default pronoun. For  centuries the default pronoun has been ‘He/His” (A good  student always does his homework). Even if some crazies thought this was not appropriate, there was always ‘They/Their’ (A good student always does their homework) or ‘One/Ones’ (I cannot be bothered with an example). But no, Greer and Co were not satisfied with equality, they wanted liberation (or was it the other way round?)  So, ‘She/Hers’ started popping up. And nearly half a century after The Female Eunuch, it looks like the bloody thing is taking off. I recently stopped reading a new, much acclaimed, English Style book because my eyeballs started going in opposite directions around my head at the consistent use of ‘She’. And then, yesterday, my beloved Economist – supposedly slave to the bestselling Economist Style Book – succumbed.

Language undoubtedly evolves, but that evolution – especially in the case of the chaotic English language- should be natural and gradual. This She/He business is pure tampering.

Dressed like that, it is no wonder he got away with so much rhetoric in his inaugural address

Dressed like that, it is no wonder he got away with so much rhetoric in his inaugural address

An example of a material, but natural, change in the English language over the last few decades is the reduced use of rhetoric. Asked to reach for your favourite speech (‘your’ is yet another way of getting round the gender-bender issue), you will probably go for something out of 20th century history: Roosevelt’s ‘Nothing to fear but fear itself’; Churchill’s “We will fight them on the beaches’; Kennedy’s ‘Ask not what your country can do for you’. Chances are you will not come up with  George W Bush’s, ‘You teach a child to read , and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test’ (which is why he definitely should have stayed with the default pronoun),  or even Barack Obama’s…… well, let’s face it, he has simply never said anything worth remembering.

Rhetoric, once a staple of any English-speaking child’s education, has pretty much gone out of the window. People are nowadays as well-educated as those who lead and try to influence them, so rhetoric tends to sound naff. Nevertheless, as pointed out in an article last week in the New York Times by Mark Forsyth (who, even Ms Greer would allow me to refer to as ‘he’), rhetoric still has a central place on Madison Avenue.

I thought it would be fun to see what slogans a tax wonk could come up with based on rhetoric.

Boring

Boring

‘Intel Inside’ is an example of Alliteration, as is a method for stopping dogs fouling our footpaths: ‘Tax the Turds’ (with a background picture of a traffic warden handing out a ticket).

‘Bond, James Bond’, ‘Be all you can be’, and ‘Home, sweet home’ are diacopes, as is: ‘Tax, your tax’ (with a picture of a Victorian hospital corridor full of occupied beds).

An example of a chiasmus is ‘Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind’.  How about a Republican slogan: ‘America must lower taxes, or taxes will lower America’?

Enallage is a deliberate grammatical mistake for effect such as ‘We was robbed’. That could be a good line against a background of a picture of any Finance Minister at any time in history.

But the daddy (or, Ms Greer, should that be ‘mummy’?) of them all is the Tricolon:  ‘Friends, Romans, countrymen’; ‘Liberte, egalite, fraternite’; ….’Tax, fraud, prison’.

 

 

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